I doubled down on my own sexual awakening and put away my vibrator. When I learned more about how to spend time with my whole body and awaken my G spot and my cervix, my body's communication with me got a whole lot more... articulate. I was listening better so I could hear more from her. What did she tell me? There had been many times that I had settled for sex she didn't really want. I didn't even know that. My husband has always been an engaged, sensitive, skillful lover. He hadn't violated...
4 months ago • 4 min read
This letter is part of my 24th wedding anniversary celebration: a series of intimate glimpses that reveal what is possible for you in love, sex, and personal growth with stories from my/our journey. I'm emailing a bit more than usual this month, so if you want to pause my emails until August, just click here. OkReader, I'm jumping right in: My body is wrong. I’m six years old. It’s a 90 degree day at the Montezuma County public pool. I see my cousin Vicki walking toward me and I wonder why...
4 months ago • 4 min read
Hey, Reader, When I was younger, I almost always had a boyfriend. I dated some truly wonderful, loving humans (you know who you are!). But often, I would hurt them by being distant, being unfaithful, or breaking up with them because I couldn't really stand to bask in the light of their steady, clear, healthy love for me. It didn't feel comfortable. Other partners didn't quite see me, didn't quite value me, and eventually broke up with me. When they did, on numerous occasions, I clung,...
4 months ago • 3 min read
The year is 2009. My sister has just gotten engaged. She's at a party and a woman with long gray braids is asking her about the engagement and shares an unsolicited piece of advice. She says "you're gonna have to work through all your shit with him. If you don't, you'll just wind up working it through in the next relationship, anyway." Might as well stick it out. I'd already suffered enough in my relationship, with "my shit" - to use the braided woman's terms - that I'd considered leaving,...
4 months ago • 3 min read
Hey, Reader, When I was pregnant with Cooper, I was a rabid beast pursuing childbirth and new-parent education. We were prepared within an inch of our lives. My midwife teased me: "Do you have the baby's Harvard application filled out yet?" One of the classes Kurt and I took (along with more than 40 hours of birth prep, which absolutely paid off, btw!) was designed by marriage researcher John Gottman called “Bringing Baby Home.” He'd found that marital satisfaction reaches an all-time low...
4 months ago • 5 min read
Oh, Reader! When we first got together, Kurt and I had these fights that went on for hours. One night, we’re in our driveway. I’m so angry with Kurt, I pull my engagement ring - his grandmother’s platinum filigree heirloom - off my finger and hurl it at him. I love that ring, but I’m so hurt and overwhelmed, I want to SHOW him how much he’s breaking my heart. The ring bounces off him and rolls into the alley. And just then, before either of us can run and get it, a car drives by… Thankfully,...
4 months ago • 4 min read
Darling Reader, This weekend marks Kurt and my 24th (😲) wedding anniversary! To celebrate our anniversary and your love this summer, I want to take you on a tour over the next couple of weeks. I'm going to tell you a series of stories that give you a peek into where we came from (have no doubt: we have had losses, f*#@d up, and been hurt in many ways, just as I am sure you have). AND I'll share with you the simple practices that have allowed us to create closeness, partnership, and delicious...
4 months ago • 3 min read
“NO!” I growled, in a voice that didn’t sound like my own. Ruby, our 12 week old puppy, was bounding away, ears bouncing, so happy! Problem was, she had my beloved new Sandgrens peep-toe clog in her mouth, little minx! Out of control! Ruining my favorite stuff! THIS is exactly why I was dead-set against getting a dog, all these years, while my children begged and almost EVERY other family got one during the pandemic. I had to set the limit in the moment, conveying with my whole body and voice...
5 months ago • 4 min read
Hi, Reader, I want to go deep with you today about something that's been coming up a lot in my life and work: what it means to embrace my power and pleasure as a woman. For the longest time, I used to feel guilty for wanting more, for desiring abundance and joy in my life. But, after many years of being stifled under my feelings of shame, I realized that by prioritizing my own well-being and pleasure, I wasn't being selfish—I was actually becoming more generous, more present, and more alive....
7 months ago • 1 min read