If you can imagine more pleasure, more intimacy, more aliveness... then you were built for it and you have what it takes to create it. Subscribe to learn how with my weekly Love Notes.
the unspeakable
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Hi Reader, I know this sounds counterintuitive but the patterns that make your relationship “pretty good" actually prevent your GREAT relationship. If you don't believe me, here's one example: Let's look at how you handle your fear of discomfort and authenticity. In bad relationships, people are often incapable of handling their own discomfort. They avoid difficult conversations or react without thinking about how their words and actions will land with their partner. They try to protect themselves by lashing out or becoming defensive. In a good marriage, couples protect the relationship by holding back on expressing their true selves. You're not fighting all the time, but you avoid saying things that might make your partner uncomfortable, even when it means sacrificing your own truth. Over time, this limits the amount of passion and aliveness you two can experience together. You may think they’re being considerate, loyal, or caring, but that is the subtle difference between a good and great marriage: Couples in great relationships find ways to speak the "unspeakable." If you will begin to examine the assumptions underneath your conviction that you have to tamp down your desires, that there is no way to get the love and s3x you really want with the partner you have, you’ll see how you’ve been selling both of you short. Is your partner actually fragile? Are you really impossible to satisfy? When you start naming vulnerable truths and working through them together, you are offering your partner a gift: You will begin to see your partner in a new light, holding them as resilient and invested in loving you well and capable of growth. And you will feel less trapped and begin to imagine a future that unfolds rather than cycling through familiar, frustrating loops. As always, Love love, It's widely known as Seattle, Washington, USA but the truth is, I live and work on the unceded ancestral territory of the Coast Salish peoples, specifically the Dkhw Duw’Absh (English pronunciation: Duwamish), a people who are still here, honoring and bringing to light their ancient heritage. I honor them and this land. |
MICHELE LISENBURY CHRISTENSEN
If you can imagine more pleasure, more intimacy, more aliveness... then you were built for it and you have what it takes to create it. Subscribe to learn how with my weekly Love Notes.
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