Hi Reader, I know this sounds counterintuitive but the patterns that make your relationship “pretty good" actually prevent your GREAT relationship. If you don't believe me, here's one example: Let's look at how you handle your fear of discomfort and authenticity. In bad relationships, people are often incapable of handling their own discomfort. They avoid difficult conversations or react without thinking about how their words and actions will land with their partner. They try to protect themselves by lashing out or becoming defensive. In a good marriage, couples protect the relationship by holding back on expressing their true selves. You're not fighting all the time, but you avoid saying things that might make your partner uncomfortable, even when it means sacrificing your own truth. Over time, this limits the amount of passion and aliveness you two can experience together. You may think they’re being considerate, loyal, or caring, but that is the subtle difference between a good and great marriage: Couples in great relationships find ways to speak the "unspeakable." If you will begin to examine the assumptions underneath your conviction that you have to tamp down your desires, that there is no way to get the love and s3x you really want with the partner you have, you’ll see how you’ve been selling both of you short. Is your partner actually fragile? Are you really impossible to satisfy? When you start naming vulnerable truths and working through them together, you are offering your partner a gift: You will begin to see your partner in a new light, holding them as resilient and invested in loving you well and capable of growth. And you will feel less trapped and begin to imagine a future that unfolds rather than cycling through familiar, frustrating loops. As always, Love love, It's widely known as Seattle, Washington, USA but the truth is, I live and work on the unceded ancestral territory of the Coast Salish peoples, specifically the Dkhw Duw’Absh (English pronunciation: Duwamish), a people who are still here, honoring and bringing to light their ancient heritage. I honor them and this land. |
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I said, “If you don't want to come toward me sexually, if you don't want to go deeper, I understand, and it's okay... "But I'm ready for more, and I know you haven't been willing to opening up our marriage in the past, but I'm not asking this time. I'm telling you. "I feel like I'm suffocating, and I'm going to unilaterally pursue other sexual connections. "I don't not want to be married, I just don't want to be celibate.” It wasn't just the words I was saying that Kurt heard. It was the...
I doubled down on my own sexual awakening and put away my vibrator. When I learned more about how to spend time with my whole body and awaken my G spot and my cervix, my body's communication with me got a whole lot more... articulate. I was listening better so I could hear more from her. What did she tell me? There had been many times that I had settled for sex she didn't really want. I didn't even know that. My husband has always been an engaged, sensitive, skillful lover. He hadn't violated...
This letter is part of my 24th wedding anniversary celebration: a series of intimate glimpses that reveal what is possible for you in love, sex, and personal growth with stories from my/our journey. I'm emailing a bit more than usual this month, so if you want to pause my emails until August, just click here. OkReader, I'm jumping right in: My body is wrong. I’m six years old. It’s a 90 degree day at the Montezuma County public pool. I see my cousin Vicki walking toward me and I wonder why...